If These Refrigerator Walls Could Talk

...They would simply say, "Hey assholes, can you just do us all a favor and pull the plug?'

My New Year's resolution is going to be to try to keep a fridge that doesn't look like it belongs in a frat or crack house. I mean, seriously. Let's review, shall we?
The top shelf is ANYTHING but.
Aside from the very vital and very necessary Brita that makes our water taste like blueberry vodka for some reason, we've got 3 week old cherry tomatoes, coffee creamer, a jar of dill pickels, and a bouquet of chocolate-covered strawberries that was sent to me from a very sweet friend. (That bouquet is probably the only redeeming quality this fridge has...+10 points.) If you can see behind all this, you might notice a tin of egg nog that my mother bought last holiday season when she was in town. Lucky for us, the bottle and a half of Jack Daniels she put in the first batch was enough to keep her from making the second batch. Enough said.

I think the second shelf speaks for itself. Taco Bell, Chinese take-out, old celery. -55 points.

The third shelf is awesome for one reason only: The single yam sitting on the bottom right-hand corner. That was an impulse purchase. I was at Ralph's and saw this individually wrapped yam and thought, "I could just put that in the microwave and eat it with something!"
(Or I could let it sit in my refrigerator for 3 1/2 weeks.) Fail. -725 points.

I'm gonna stop now because I'm starting to get depressed. You get the idea. I would say "no wonder i'm single" but the truth is, I won't even let a man pour himself a glass of blueberry vodka-flavored Brita water around here.

Gatica Out.