When I turned 25 and found my first gray hair, I plucked it out. When one hair became lots, I just kept (keep) plucking them out. No problem. I've always enjoyed getting older. Every year has always seemed to be better than the last. I appreciate myself more each year. I learn and grow more. I'm happy and healthy and grateful.
Well, now it seems my body is starting to turn on me. I take back everything I've ever said about embracing age.
This week my lower back decided to start acting like a bitch. I've been a runner for years and have never had any issues with my body. I used to dance and do gymnastics and have always been very very active. Now all of a sudden it feels like someone is constantly rubbing Icy Hot on my lower back for no reason. I got a massage and thought the problem was solved until Queen Latifah's girlfriend kicked my ass in the gym today.
Another awesome thing that happened was I thought my boobs were getting bigger which was really exciting... until I realized so was everything from the waist down. We're not in Kansas anymore. I can't eat cake 3 days in a row without consequences. (But I did it anyway this week.)
Even so, I can deal with all of that. I'm an adult, shit happens, I get it. But what really has me concerned is my potentially threatening case of BABY FEVER!!!!!!!
WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?????!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been single for 6 years and up until last year, I was never really sure if I wanted kids. Let's just say if I don't have kids in 5 years, I fear for the safety of other people's children. More that I already do. I feel so betrayed by my biological clock. How did this happen to me??? I'M SINGLE! I'm in no position to have a kid, so why the fuck is my body getting ridiculous ideas???! I used to think babies were so annoying. I used to cross my fingers every time I saw a baby come onto an airplane I was on, hoping and praying that it would be nowhere near me. It ALWAYS would be. Crying and screaming as I gave the parents dirty looks and set my alarm to take my birth control pill.
Now I can't stop creepily staring at EVERY BABY I SEE. Like "Hand That Rocks the Cradle" style. You know you're getting older when, at a party, you gravitate towards the babies instead of the cute guys. A baby threw up in my perfectly coifed curls recently and I could have cared less. I would let a baby throw shit like a monkey at me if it would make him/her love me. (Okay, maybe I took it a little too far with that last statement, but I probably would allow it.)
So basically this is a cry for help. In the words of Antoine Dodson, "hide yo kids."
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