Roses are red, Valentine's Day is stupid.

I've never been a fan of Valentine's Day. Not just because I'm bitter and I've been single for 6 years, I just don't like the pressure. If a girl comes home empty-handed to a a guy on Valentine's Day, it's all good in the hood. If a guy comes home empty-handed on Valentine's Day, HOLD ON TO YOU FUCKING HATS. That's not fair.

BTW... As I'm writing this, a uterine contraceptive commercial is playing.

Now a match.com commercial is playing. (True story. I swear on my birth control pill.)

Thanks, universe, I get it.

The moral of my story is that I'm happy as a clam. Is that a saying? I feel like I've heard it, but I'm not sure. It doesn't make sense, but I swear I've heard it.

I am really happy, though. I know people say that, and (truth be told,) I usually want to punch those people right in the larynx, but I really am. I look back on so many douchebags that I've dated. Guys that picked the rice off of their sushi (true story,) guys that wore really deep v-necks, and guys that weren't interested in sleeping with me (if you know what I mean.) Gross.

I get to have a wonderful life with people I love who make me smile and laugh and have adventures with. I'm really lucky. So Valentine's Day can take it's pre fix menus and shove them.

I'm gonna watch my questionable CW programming now. Goodnight.