If you have ever seen my stand-up or have been in the same as room as me with a black man or are a black man yourself, you know that there are 3 certainties in this life: Death, taxes, and the fact that if there is a black man within 100 feet of me, he will hit on me.
Fact: Black men have QUITE a way with words. These things have been said to me by said individuals:
-"Damn girl, look at them legs. Imma call you squat rack."
-"MMM... you are a BRICK... HOUSE."
-"You keepin' that body BAM BAM."
-"Damn girl, you got booty! I see you with them shorts on." (That was actually a black woman.)
Charming.
And last week one followed me through a CVS drug store, right into the tampon aisle, and hit on me while I was holding a box of Tampax. (Regular, in case anyone was wondering. Aunt Flo is fairly good to me.) When he finally stopped talking to me, I just looked at him and he then realized what was in my hands. Embarrassed, he said," Ohhh, I didn't realize what aisle we was in..." to which I responded, "That's what you get for following someone around an entire store." And walked away.
After that courteous exchange, I lovingly threatened God. I mean, I've been single for 6 years. Maybe I could be in Happily Ever Afterville by now if I took one of the many 762,913 advances that came my way. Maybe.
I told (threatened) God that if I'm still single by the time I'm 30 in 2 years, I will cross over to the 'dark side.' For all I know, God is like "You stupid bitch, I've been trying to tell you that since your ass grew in. Take a hint!"I guess only time will tell...
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