25 Things You May Or May Not Know About Me

I know all my blog readers have been on the edge of their seats waiting for my latest entry. I apologize, but my juices have only been flowing for new stand up material which is not necessarily suitable for internet audiences. I figured that instead of just not writing, I would give you all a little insight about me. Some of these facts are important and some are as useless as my roommate on a Monday afternoon during a rerun marathon of America's Next Top Model. You're all welcome.

Here are 25 things about me:

1.) I would eat sticks of butter if it were socially acceptable and I didn't think my ass would multiply like Gremlins. (AKA a perfect world.)

2.) I have a tiny scar right under my nose from an unforgettable tantrum I threw back in '88 when my mom sent me to my room and I rolled onto a wooden clog that got stuck to my face. (I like to think that was the beginning of a very promising career path as a performer.)

3.) I have never wanted to do anything other than pursue acting and I don't think I ever will.

4.) If I knew when I moved here that it was going to take me this long to make something of myself, I would have started dating for money about 3 years ago.

5.) My longest (and best) relationship has been with the gay man I have been living with for the past 5+ years. We will soon be married under "Common Law." (That is both depressing and awesome.)

6.) You can always tell when I'm drunk because I smile a lot and get quiet. (Unless I'm dancing on any type of surface, which is also a huge indication of my intoxication.)

7.) You can always tell when I'm about to get my period because my boobs really do get a lot bigger (so awesome) and I'm a raging bitch who will eat anything on anyone's plate.

8.) I will eat anything on anyone's plate no matter what time of the month it is.

9.) EVERY man who has ever crossed me has come crawling back with his tail between his legs. (There have been too many of those.)

10.) My godfather is Julio Iglesias, but I've never met Enrique. I'm actually okay with that because his music makes me want to scratch my eyes out with my toenails.

11.) I don't watch ANY REALITY TV, WHATSOEVER. I think it is THE DEVIL.

12.) I have seen the movie 'Clueless' over 150 times.

13.) When I was little, I had posters of Tiffani-Amber Thiessen (AKA Kelly Kapowski) all over my bedroom walls. My brother thought I might turn out to be a lesbian.

14.) I had a really unfortunate fat stage from about 4th grade til I got my heart broken at 14. (See picture for this blog.)

15.) When I lost all the weight, my mother would bribe/blackmail me with my fat pictures and would threaten to show boyfriends of mine if I didn't do what she asked.

16.) I want everything to do with anything containing the word "truffle" in it.

17.) I will do absolutely anything for somebody I love. Friend, family, or significant other.

18.) I won 2 beauty pageants in Texas before I moved to LA.

19.) I got to work with Spike Lee and Mariah Carey on a short film and it was the single most rewarding day I've ever had as an actress.

20.) I can (and have) flirt my way out of anything.

21.) When I was young, my mom always told me to only eat what I wanted on my plate. That plan backfired on everyone because now I eat everything on everyone's plate... As previously stated.

22.) I grew up riding in Rolls Royces, Lamborghinis, and Jaguars, and having a dozen servants, but I've never been unemployed since I my first job at 15.

23.) I've met Tiffani-Amber Thiessen twice in my life and declared my love for her both times.

24.) My biggest dream of becoming successful is to be able to take all my friends and family to dinners, vacations, and pay for it all!

25.) I'm pretty sure I was black in my past life.