You Can't Win If You Don't Play

Have you ever dated someone who you believed was so out of your league, that you wouldn't care if this surreal relationship ended in a murder/suicide tragedy at the hands of your extra special someone? Neither have I. (Although I think I've come close to going down that street recently but it's temporarily closed for construction.)

I imagine that is what women who date George Clooney are thinking. Or at least that's what I would think if I were dating him. I would simply treasure the trips to Lake Como with Matt and Luciana and try to move on from the best 4-8 months of my life.

The reality of my life is that, according to about 79.8% of my friends, I have been known to date below my potential.  But I've always considered myself somewhat of a slutty Make-A-Wish Foundation. I've never really had a "type." I think of dating more like the lottery: You can't win if you don't play.  Basically if you have the ability to make me laugh, you also have the ability to make me take my clothes off.

For reasons I don't absolutely comprehend, my friends seem to have me on some sort of pedestal. (It's not very high.) Don't get me wrong,  there are a few who have tried to pawn me off to any and every unfortunately dull Tom, Dick, and Harry this side of Rancho Cucamonga, and those friends can no longer be trusted in 'set-up' situations. But for the most part, they seem to be on to me in the sense that I can't trust my own taste in men. Which seems to be where the problem lies.

Let's be honest, I'm no spring chicken. Things are starting to fall apart by the day, and I need to get my ass (literally) back into sextable shape due to one too many dozen chocolate croissants smeared with Nutella on my recent European escapade. If there was ever a time to lower my standards, it would be now. However, I've decided to turn this ship around and head for some greener pastures. I'm looking to start frying some bigger fish. I'm going to start playing for the jackpot instead of the scratch-off tickets, if you will.