The Four Man Plan

 Disclaimer: I can’t take credit for this effectively devised plan, but I’d like to shake the hand of the woman (or probably man) who did.

I first heard about this ‘plan’ from a certain male friend of mine (who’s identity I’m not at liberty to reveal,) while discussing my newly acquired ‘maturity.’ Or as I’d like to call it, a dry spell. You see, everyone who knows me was surprised to learn that I didn’t have physical contact with a single man on my East Coast trip this summer by myself. They were even more surprised that I returned from Europe recently with not even an international pen pal. I won’t lie, I surprised myself, but chalked it up to simply ‘getting older.’ I’ve dated a lot in the past 7 years. I’m pretty sure I’ve dated about 79% of the straight male population in Los Angeles, as well as 2% of the questionably straight. When that didn’t work, I started venturing out to my second favorite US city, New York. I even managed to dabble in other, less exciting parts of the country. No dice.

“You need to get on ‘The Four Man Plan,” my friend said to me. At first I thought he was suggesting I get on some kind of diet, which almost caused me to knee him in the taint. Then I found out he WAS suggesting  I get on a diet. A dating diet.

Apparently it’s as easy as it sounds, except it’s not. All you need to do is have 4 guys (or girls, depending on your preference. The plan does not discriminate, and neither should you) on dating rotation in order to avoid getting emotionally attached to any of the participants. Sounds great in theory, especially if you really like one of them, because you’re not focusing all of your attention on said participant. Everyone knows everyone is more attractive to someone when they are not as attainable, because we are a sick race. We’ve also learned though history that everyone wants to be wanted. Thus, the plan is designed with all of this in mind.

Unfortunately for me, I don’t really have the time or energy for this plan so I’d never succeed. Plus, I don’t usually like a lot of people after the second date, so the plan would fall apart very very quickly. Maybe in 2012.

To all the rest of you, try it out for yourself. In the words of the great (yet sometimes not so wise with his words) John Mayer, “No one likes to be alone at Christmastime.”